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Anthony Bourdain, Thanksgiving Dinner
Credit: Getty Images [edited]

Anthony Bourdain wants you to stop ruining Thanksgiving.

The tell-it-like-it-is world traveler and chef is on a mission to help average Americans everywhere salvage their annual Thanksgiving experience with a few key pieces of holiday advice.

In his book, “Appetites: A Cookbook,” which he co-wrote with Laurie Woolever, Bourdain shared a few of his tried-and-true secrets to holiday meal success.

As Woolever revealed on Bloomberg, Bourdain believes everyone should be planning and prepping their menu at least a few weeks in advance. For example, if you’re going for a farm-raised bird you better purchase it as soon as possible, and according to Bourdain, if you’re going with market-ready bird buy it by the Monday before Thanksgiving.

“I insist you make lists, shop early and, once you have all of your provisions, spread the work out over three days,” Bourdain wrote last year on Food & Wine.

And don’t, for a single second, think you can prep and cook the entire meal in one day. Instead, Bourdain wrote in his new book that it’s crucial to plan your meal and space out preparations over at least a three-day span.

And, he says, if you’re only making one turkey, you’re absolutely failing at Thanksgiving.

“Prepare a stunt turkey and a business turkey,” Bourdain wrote in his book. Prepare a smaller, more artful turkey that has all the trimmings that people know and love including “chop frills, rainbow pinwheels of skewered citrus fruit slices, maraschino cherries, curly kale, lit sparklers, and crisp, new $100 bills and/or gold leaf.” And while they're admiring your artistry, you can carve up the larger ready-to-eat bird in the back.

And finally, he had some day-after advice.

“You won’t find me within five miles of the hellscape that is Black Friday, because I am reliably on the couch, in pajamas, eating slices of reheated turkey drowned in gravy with a heap of stuffing alongside, or perhaps a fat turkey sandwich dressed with cranberry relish or mayonnaise,” Bourdain wrote in Food & Wine. “In a cook’s life, Thanksgiving Day is for others; the next day is for you.”