Crazy but true.
Who knows what Kyle Mulinder was doing moments before this video was taken, but rest assured: it must have been pretty bad.
Whatever he was doing was so appalling, a nearby seal grabbed the closest weapon it could find (in this case, an octopus) and slapped the kayaker across the face with it.
Mulinder was kayaking off the coast of Kaikoura on New Zealand’s South Island over the weekend when the seal decided it was time to put an end to his shenanigans with a good, old-fashioned octopus slap.
“We were just sitting out in the middle of the ocean and then this huge male seal appeared with an octopus and he was thrashing him about for ages,” Mulinder told Yahoo7 News in Australia.
According to Mulinder, the seal had actually picked a fight with the octopus before the kayakers’ arrival. They were tussling for awhile between the group of kayaks. At one point, the seal decided to take advantage of his surroundings and thrash Mulinder with the octopus itself, perhaps taking care of two problems at once.
“It was weird because it happened so fast but I could feel all the hard parts of the octopus on my face like 'dum dum dum',” Mulinder said.
But the seal did not manage to vanquish either Mulinder or the octopus. After the moment of impact, the octopus latched onto the side of Mulinder’s kayak until the seal went away. The octopus clung there for safety until Mulinder’s kayaking instructor managed to pry it away.
Or it’s entirely possible that the octopus was just on drugs. According to a recent study, octopi become more cuddly after they’re given ecstasy. (Yes, scientists have indeed been giving MDMA to octopi.)