Sorry to bother you, but can we set a few ground rules? First of all, we love the nightly turndown—thanks for the macaroons!—but really, it’s not necessary to reseal the bed each morning with the decorative coverlet, bolsters, and throw pillows. It might as well be padlocked shut. (We’d considered a siesta after lunch, but unwrapping everything was too much work.)
Speaking of evening turndown, please don’t leave the TV on and tuned to that hokey New Age nature loop. And if we’ve left the AC set on low, please keep it there—don’t switch it to walk-in freezer. Last night we had to warm ourselves up with the hair dryer. Oh, and that thing where you neatly arrange our toiletries on starched-linen doilies—adorable! So why’d you leave the dirty socks on the floor? Lastly, that Evian bottle with a half-inch of water left? The one that’s been on our nightstand since Tuesday? You can take that away now. The bruised banana in the fruit bowl, too.
All that aside, we really do want to thank you for putting up with us. You’re some of the hardest-working people in the hotel business, and often the least appreciated. So, as always, we’re leaving a generous tip on the credenza. (Hands off, bellman!)
The T+L Editors
P.S. Could you leave us a few more shampoos?