"A LOBSTER IS A LOBSTER IS A LOBSTER," you say. "What's the difference?"
Nawt from these pahts, ah yah?
Mainers have argued for generations over the subtlest details of a lobster dinner: Boiled or steamed? Cooked in salt water or fresh? Hard-shell or soft? (Hard-shells have more meat, while recently molted soft-shells are said to be sweeter.) Then there's the all-important lobster roll: Butter or mayo? Warm or chilled? Hot dog or hamburger bun? Potato chips or—well, everyone serves potato chips. But that's about the only point of agreement.
Finally, there's the place itself. The ideal lobster shack isn't always a shack, but it should be modest and well-weathered. Waiters are never a good sign. Other rules: No cutlery, besides a nutcracker (some hard-knuckled veterans don't even believe in those). Tables on or facing the water. Any lobster traps in view should be working ones, not hung from the ceiling. Cloth napkins are pretentious—Handi Wipes will do fine. No air-conditioning, nothing "au gratin," and, if possible, no signed photos of the Bush family. Oh, and definitely no steak. Steak is for wimps.
Last summer I combed the Maine coast from Camden to Kittery, consuming more lobster in one week than I'd considered humanly possible. From north to south, here are my 10 favorite spots.
BEST PLACE TO FEEL LIKE A NATIVE
Waterman's Beach Lobster, South Thomaston First, there's the drive in, a lovely wend along the peninsula south of busy Rockland (where the Maine Lobster Festival is held every August). Down here it's a scene from a Wyeth canvas: forests of black spruce abutting saltwater farms; the scent of pine mingled with seaweed. Between a meadow and a rocky beach sits Waterman's humble shack, with two dozen picnic tables scattered around a lawn and a tented deck. Sisters-in-law Sandy and Lorri steam the day's haul over salt water, which gives the meat a briny tang while keeping it firm. Waterman's was recently named a Regional Classic by the James Beard Foundation—not that it matters to the locals who've been coming here for 16 years. Kids and grandfathers hunt for shells on the beach while a Lab chases a Frisbee across the field. Was that a For Sale sign you saw on that house down the road? 343 Waterman's Beach Rd.; 207/596-7819; dinner for two $30.
BEST PLACE TO EAVESDROP ON FISHERMEN'S GOSSIP
Shaw's Fish & Lobster Wharf, New Harbor True fishing villages are hard to come by these days, which is what makes New Harbor such a find. Hollywood knew it: the Kevin Costner—Paul Newman film Message in a Bottle was shot in this salty sea dog's town. Shaw's wharfside bar is filled with fishermen from morning till night. From the second-story deck, you can watch as boats pull up and drop their catch onto Shaw's rickety wooden scale. Be sure to get a lobster roll—Shaw's served 10,000 of them last year. A scarcely buttered hot dog bun cradles glistening chunks of perfectly shredded, bite-sized meat, nicely chilled yet not overly so, with a touch of mayo and lemon that doesn't overwhelm the lobster. Most places frown on garnish, but Shaw's rolls come with crisp, bitter lettuce that adds a satisfying crunch and complements the sweetness of the meat. 129 Rte. 32, on the wharf; 207/677-2200; lunch for two $30.
BEST CURE FOR A TRAFFIC JAM
Red's Eats, Wiscasset Few traffic snarls are as loathed as the one that forms on the Route 1 bridge in Wiscasset. On summer weekends, cars wait up to an hour to cross. Relief can be found at Red's Eats, a gaudy roadside hut just south of the bridge. The $12 roll is ridiculously generous: a whole lobster's worth of nearly intact, unadorned meat (mayo or butter comes on the side), overflowing from a tiny hot dog bun that's too unwieldy to pick up. The solution? Use your fingers to eat the plump morsels, dipping them in melted butter: instant lobster cocktail. Perfect for whiling away the next 30 minutes in traffic—and don't worry, you'll be going too slowly to spill. 41 Water St., at Main St.; 207/882-6128; lunch for two $30.
BEST PLACE TO GAWK AND REMIND YOURSELF WHY YOU CAME
Five Islands Lobster Co., Georgetown That Acura ad, where the guy drives up from New York just for lunch at a Maine lobster shack? That was Five Islands—for better or worse. It's become a bit overrun these last few summers, but the crowds can't detract from the setting: a windy promontory with 360-degree views of the five pine-shrouded islands. There's no indoor seating (not that you'd want it), so bring a sweater, come at sunset, and watch the sailboats and gulls chase one another across the bay—one of the coldest and deepest in Maine, which locals say makes for the best lobsters. Choose your dinner from the tank, add a cob of corn for 75 cents, then head next door to the fry shack for an order of crisp onion rings. Step outside, crack open a knuckle (the tastiest part, bar none), set gaze on horizon, and swoon. Repeat until both sun and lobster vanish. 1447 Five Islands Rd., 207/371-2990; dinner for two $28.
BEST REASON TO BRAVE A DIRT ROAD
Lisa's Lobster House & Grill, Georgetown Be warned: the wooded road to Lisa's gives new meaning to the word rustic. Abandoned trucks and washing machines rust away in weed-addled yards. Just when you expect an albino kid with a banjo, the woods open onto a clearing. Park next to the fish storehouse and make your way past the foulmouthed men shoveling herring off a dump truck. Just beyond is Lisa's clapboard shack. Order one of the very cheap ($9) rolls, with leaf lettuce and a healthy amount of meat (ask them to go easy on the mayo). Around front you'll come face-to-face with the glittering blue of Sheepscot Bay and the deep green forests of Southport Island just across it. A burly guy shells lobsters at a table overlooking the water. "I got the best office in town," he says, and no one disagrees. 80 Moore's Turnpike Rd.; 207/371-2722; lunch for two $30.
MOST FEMININE LOBSTERMAN'S HAUNT
Morse Lobster, Harpswell Neck Maine's Midcoast hides some of its best secrets on the "reaches": long, narrow peninsulas that stretch like fingers into the sea. The sleepy Harpswell peninsula is just a half-hour's detour off I-95, yet it could be 200 miles away. Drive down a bumpy gravel road, pull up beside a few pickup trucks (only Maine plates here), then follow the resident golden retriever down the hill. Morse Lobster, set on a creaky wooden pier adorned with geraniums and an ivy-wrapped trellis, is the sort of place Grandma would frequent if Grandma wore waders. The tables are occupied by families of Harpswellers, who know their way around a crustacean: Watch that 10-year-old rip open a claw bare-handed. In the evenings, torches are lit, and fading sunlight shimmers across Harpswell Sound. Allen Point Rd., off Rte. 123; 207/833-2399; dinner for two $30.
BEST REASON TO STOP SHOPPING
Harraseeket Lunch & Lobster, South Freeport So you're making the pilgrimage to L. L. Bean and the outlets of Freeport. When you can't face another discounted duck boot, retreat to this popular spot on the South Freeport marina. Lit up like a small-town carnival at night—with a jovial clientele who picnic on their car hoods when the tables are full, as they often are—Harraseeket is a few steps above a shack. But it's got the requisite old-school ambience, the devoted following, and the juiciest, lushest lobsters for miles around—not to mention golden fried "onion middles" (the core, not the rings) and sea-tangy steamed clams to dunk in drawn butter. Try not to drip on your new Patagonia pullover. Town Landing; 207/865-3535; dinner for two $30.
BEST BASTION OF HUMILITY IN A TOWN OF OSTENTATION
Clam Shack, Kennebunkport Bet you never expected a bare-bones, roadside hut in the resort town of Kennebunkport. The unassuming Clam Shack is the Pa Kettle of seafood joints. Owner Steve Kingston insists on using only hand-shredded meat for his rolls—knives, he says, cause oxidation, tainting the flavor. The Shack pumps in seawater from the tidal river outside for both the holding tanks and the steaming cauldrons. Rolls arrive with the meat still warm—served with butter or mayo, or, frighteningly, both—on toasted hamburger buns. (Some old-timers swear the original lobster roll was round.) Take a stroll alongside the marina and wave at the yacht owners—they're probably enjoying the same lunch. 2 Western Ave.; 207/967-2560; lunch for two $25.
MOST FORGIVABLE TOURIST MECCA
Barnacle Billy's, Ogunquit Sure, it's so popular that the weekend crowds practically double the population of this artsy seaside village. But that view—oh, that view. Sailboats pass under a hand-cranked wooden drawbridge into minuscule Perkins Cove. Across the harbor, impossibly green lawns tumble down to the water's edge. Meanwhile, you're taking it all in from Billy's open-air deck, over a bowl of paprika-spiced clam chowder and a cool margarita. Ship's bells clang, seagulls squawk—and finally the countergirl calls: "Number twenty-four, please! Lobster rolls for two-four!" Never was there a sweeter sound. 50 Oarweed St., Perkins Cove; 207/646-5575; lunch for two $40.
BEST RIVERSIDE LOBSTER SHACK
Chauncey Creek Lobster Pier, Kittery Point Just a short drive off Route 1, yet aeons away from Kittery's outlet-mall madness, Chauncey Creek has lured the faithful since 1948 while blissfully remaining off the maps of northbound tourists. No ocean views here—just a quiet tidal river amid a thick spruce forest. The policy is bring-your-own-everything: regulars show up with coolers full of beer, wine, salad, foie gras, you name it. Chauncey Creek supplies the lobster; there's also a raw bar with Malpeque oysters and cherrystones from Prince Edward Island. Choose your own lobster from the tank, commandeer a brightly colored picnic table on the dock (or, if it's a buggy evening, on the screened deck), and wait for your order while the river drifts by. 16 Chauncey Creek Rd.; 207/439-1030; dinner for two $50.
Do Try This At Home: Mail-Order Lobster
Okay, so they can't box up the ocean views or the salty breeze, but the Portland-based Browne Trading Co. can send you live, still-snapping crustaceans overnight (800/944-7848; www.browne-trading.com; lobsters from $6.95 per pound, depending on size, shipping from $25). Browne also offers a mind-boggling selection of fish, shellfish, and Iranian caviar; restaurants such as New York's Le Bernardin are among its devoted clients. Also consider Portland's Harbor Fish Market (800/370-1790, ext. 2; www.harborfish.com; lobsters from $5.99 per pound, shipping from $18.25) or Maine Lobster Direct (800/556-2783; www.mainelobsterdirect.com; lobsters from $8.50 per pound, shipping varies).
