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Seen on the Green

SLICK SCORING: Democrats never score well in California's Orange County, so it was no surprise that former president Bill Clinton had trouble during the pro-am portion of November's Hyundai Team Matches at Monarch Beach Golf Links. Paired with Fred Couples, Clinton engaged in some creative stroke counting. "You won't see so many mulligans in an Irish phone book," said one spectator. On the final hole Clinton yanked his drive into the gallery, nailing one of his hecklers. After apologizing, Clinton joked, "You got what you deserved." That evening the former commander in chief attended a private party at the St. Regis Hotel, where he asked tournament officials to arrange for him to meet comely LPGA star Grace Park.

FRESH MEAT: Will Meat Loaf belt "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad" on March 23 at Coyote Hills Golf Course in Fullerton, California?He can if his team wins Mark and Brian's Third Annual Celebrity Golf Tournament, hosted by the nationally syndicated DJs from L.A.'s KLOS. Loaf, who plays at Sherwood Country Club so often that they take messages for him there (ask for "Meat" or "Mr. Loaf"), won the event in 2001 and last year finished five shots off the lead. This year's field includes Motley Crüe rocker Vince Neil and actors Martin Sheen, Joe Mantegna and Don Cheadle.

TALL TALE: The tee sheet at the private Four Streams Golf Club in Poolesville, Maryland, often features such names as Alexander Haig, Michael Jordan and Jerry Stackhouse. One day an old teammate of Jordan's stopped by: Chicago Bulls coach Bill Cartwright. Sick of stooping over his off-the-rack sticks, Cartwright asked Four Streams director Bob Mauragas for a fitting. Mauragas called Titleist, which used specs for NBA legend Bill Russell to outfit the seven-foot-one Cartwright. "Billy's five-iron has a thirty-seven-inch shaft, and his pitching wedge feels like my three-wood," says Mauragas, who'll be surprised to hear that Cartwright wants still-longer shafts. "I could use another inch," says the big man.

DAMONIZED: One celeb who may not return to celebrity golf is Damon Wayans. The star of TV's My Wife and Kids was playing in a 2001 tournament when a member of his group hit a drive that smacked a female spectator in the mouth. Onlookers say Wayans jokingly invited her to sue him. No suit resulted, and he still strides the fairways as a proud high handicapper. "When a celebrity becomes a scratch golfer," he says, "that means their career has gone to hell."

CALC YOU LATER: While on tour last summer, guitarist Alex Lifeson of the legendary Canadian band Rush had some elite playing partners. "Lee Janzen, Rocco Mediate and Mark Calcavecchia are all fans of the band, and we're friends," says Lifeson. During a round with Calcavecchia, "Mark gave me a pointer about tilting my body at a slightly different angle." The result?A personal-best seventy-seven that day and a two-stroke drop in handicap in only a month.


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